Unpopular opinion

It is okay to not have endless patience for people-pleasing. While fawning is a normal response to trauma, and is less immediately damaging than fight, that does not make it a harmless quirk that people are obligated to tolerate forever. It is something one must be committed to healing from, just as they would be for any other trauma response that impairs their relationships.

Anyone who has had a mother who could never say “no”, only to later complain how ungrateful her children are; or a friend who has a habit of flaking out of their plans with you at the last minute; or someone constantly asking you for reassurance; would understand why it is extremely exhausting for others and not just for oneself. I have even known people who actively defend their pleasing habits, and even made me feel that I am in the wrong for not wanting to be more like them.

Update

I have had a lot on my plate over the past few months. I thought I was all set to graduate by now, but it turns out that I still have one more class that I need to complete in order to earn my Master of Arts in Special Education. I even held my graduation ceremony, thinking I was done with everything, only to have the graduate office tell me last week that one class is missing! The people in my life were so excited for me to begin my new search for counseling jobs. Sadly, that all has to wait until December.

The good news is that there is an alternative route to get closer to my new career by taking a transitional job as a graduate student assistant. The pay is about the same as what I am making now, and it will allow me more time to practice my counseling skills. I feel that I still have more to learn anyway before I am ready to be an official counselor.

I am also starting to organize in-person events again for my fellow autistics, after many failed attempts trying to connect people shortly after the pandemic. I have met with a few other group organizers in my area who have already connected lots of people and have good turnouts at their events. Just being able to talk to fellows like me in a real-time manner makes so much of a difference. I can finally discuss the shared traumas many autistic people face, and how it affects their relationships between each other just as much as it does with neurotypicals. I have been able to come to terms that not all autitsic people are going to be the right match for my friendship, and they each have their own battles to pick. But the people I have met with understand the frustration of being a group leader very well. It takes a lot of time putting oneself out there, with no guarantee of shows for a while, and it can feel thankless. The people who finally showed up have proven me just how much they were worth the time and effort.

My new flapper style

I have been trying out the flapper look ever since I picked up on the 1920s as my interest last year. People now see me around wearing cloche hats, V-neck tops and a little more makeup than usual. Just a few months ago, I finally got the French bob haircut and ordered myself a pair of round-frame glasses on Zenni. I decided though that high heels are not for me, and of course I will never consider smoking.

I have been asked sometimes if I had a special reason to dress this way. I tell them it is my new style that I casually wear just because the ’20s are back. I have a few outfits that I reserve for bigger events. But nothing wrong looking vintage every day for fun.